Beenish Khan

I generally find my religion pretty close to human nature, it looks very logical, quite practical but there is one thing that confuses me, totally stumps me : its stand on homosexuality. Not only my religion but all religions strongly condemn it, on the other hand homosexuals claim that it is the most natural thing for them.

Now I am not taking any sides, I am sharing just my confusion,

1. Apart from humans, homosexuality is a common occurrence in many animals. So is nature trying to say that it is only for animals to follow such instincts or is it trying to say that it is but natural to have something different from normal ?

2. If according to religion it is but unnatural then why do people claim to be so helpless against it? If it is like any other sin then why do homosexuals bear so many discriminations just to publicly state their sexual identity? From where do they get the courage of bearing all the bullying? In short, why would anyone deliberately choose a hard path if it is something unnatural?

3. When an octogenarian gay couple get married after 50 years of living together, doesn’t it show companionship more than any other emotion?

I do not want to judge anyone and least of all in the light of religion but I do want to know what exactly is religious logic behind it? Is it religious politics of many centuries, is it holy scriptures understood the wrong way or is it people not understanding the laws of nature?

Before I discuss my next project, let me share a little anecdote.

The other day I was telling a friend that though I try to read a lot but I am afraid it’s mostly fiction, this year I want to read books on a variety of subjects. My friend heard this with a frown , interrupted me and mentioned that she find two issues with this plan,

1) If you continued to read on this speed and know so much then I am afraid there will be nobody good enough for you to settle down with.

2) And I am afraid that I will not be able to talk to you. I will feel very stupid around you.

I told her that both these questions have the same answer : Yes, there is a chance of that happening, that acquiring more knowledge than the people around you is indeed a double edge sword, that in a way knowledge is a curse and mostly being oblivious is better, and when you don’t know much then you judge people a little less, you expect a little less and you are happy with a little less. Yes, I do understand all that and that is the adventure: to avoid being condescending and conceited, to be humble and knowledgeable, to expect as much from people as they can offer and no more, to not judge others’ brains but their hearts, to see their goodness and not their faults, to know that I know nothing. And yes, it’s easier said than done.

But I do know somebody who is pretty close to this : my brother. My brother who studied business will tell me funny little things like Mushrooms are actually a type of fungus, that soup gets absorbed by the body comparatively easily, and he will tell me about how to get a job at wall street, he would meet Presidents of big corporations, eat in big and best hotels and yet when he sits with people less blessed/smart than him, you would hardly realize that he is all that. I envy the way he so smoothly slips in so different worlds. I envy it and this is exactly what I want to achieve. I do not want to be a trivia machine, an encyclopedia ready to explode with information on a second’s notice trying to impress or embarrass people. Through my struggle for knowledge I just want to be a better person and live  a better and purposeful life. I believe true success will come when I will know instinctively that everyone is better and smarter than me, that all I know is I know nothing.

I told the story just in case you think the same when I will tell you that I want to read a little more. So with that out of way, let me tell you that I am not sure what to take as my next project. On personal front I am taking up swimming as the new thing to learn, similarly I have taken up a few things on professional front too. With regards to reading books on a variety of subjects, I experimented and found that having an e-reader helps me not only in reading more books but picking books apart from my normal interests, so I ordered a Kindle of my own and hopefully it will be clear in next 2 months if it works or not.

Now about this last project for the next 6 months. Lately I came across a few topics which really interested me and I wondered if I should study them more thoroughly and then I thought ‘Hey, I can take that as my next self-development project.’ The idea is to pick a topic and study everything about it, drill all the libraries if I have to, write emails to all the experts if I need to, watch all the documentaries I can get my hands on and just know all I can. But the problem is that I have too many topics in mind,  Here’s a list of topics that I eventually shortlisted (, they are not in any specific order.) Now I need a little help in final selection, see if you can pitch in.

1. European Renaissance & French Revolution

2. Work of Islamic scientists of 8th – 13th century

3. Greek, Roman & Hindu Mythology

4. World Exploration between 11th – 16th century(this includes new world discovery, travels of different travelers like Columbus, Magellan, Ibn-e-Batuta , Matthew and Clark exploration of North America, etc.)

5. World War I & II

6. Rise & Fall of British Empire

7. Greek History, Philosophers and their Teachings

I dropped some topics like ‘Religions of world’ as it clearly needs more than 6 months, so I would rather cover it with my general reading. I was a little tempted to pick up ‘Islamic History’ since  it’s full of very interesting politics but as I already know most of it so dedicating 6 months on it will be a bit a lot, maybe I will take it as a late summer project. What I am looking for is something somewhat new for me and having all the historical drama (you know people scheming, kings dieing, slaves conquering and reality turning out to be interesting than fiction.) I am a little biased towards the Mythology (although it’s fiction) and WW I/II but I am really open to suggestions. I promise I will be sharing the learning journey and the summary with you all (a), so you will learn just by suggesting your preferred topic .

So here’s an update on the projects.

I am officially retiring ‘1 week – 1 Adventure‘ project. Post September – 2011, life is more like a blurr where I was doing almost a dozen new things every week. Unfortunately I could not record all of them on the blog but I think the project lost it’s purpose when I was taking up new adventures without a deliberate effort. For now, I am not looking forward to do anything new for another 3-4 months, all I want to do is recharge.

My project know-it-all is going well and I have already started seeing the results. With my newly acquired knowledge I find myself making most weird  but mostly correct connections between apparently unrelated pieces of information and I have come to know about so many trivial yet wonderful things eg. I can tell you that Queen Elizabeth I was very plain, very protestant and was not an immediate heir of the throne, that Voltaire was very impressed with Shakespeare, Isaac Newton and England, that most curiously in his will Shakespeare left only his ‘second best bed’ for his wife and scholars are still wondering if it was an insult or distinction for his wife, that wright brothers – inventor of first flying machine never graduated, never married and originally ran a bicycle shop, that Vasco de Gama – the famous Portuguese traveler ruthlessly killed all the Muslim Pilgrims in an Indian ship, that the discovery of ‘Cape of good hope‘ is considered as the second big event (discovery of new world being first) in the recent history of world. And I just feel happy that I know this all. I must add that as my close friends and well wishers reminded me, I do not see any material advantage out of all this exercise but I do feel a genuine happiness doing all this, which is really what matters (off course as long as there is a day job to take care of life .)

But then there still are moments of embarrassment, eg. one that I discussed here. Or just yesterday when I was discussing Da Vinci’s notes with one of my colleagues. I mentioned to her that how in his notes  he mentioned that ‘Nobody who is not a mathematician is allowed to read my notes,’ I found the statement very ‘elitist.’ She agreed and mentioned ‘well, you just have to see the kind of people he served eg. The Borgias.’ I gave a blank look, to which she replied ‘You know Borgias, right ?’ No need to mention that I did not, which was embarrassing especially when I have seen a complete documentary on Da Vinci’s life and simply never registered the name of this family (!). But as Socrates said, ‘The only thing I know is that I know nothing,’ so I’ll just continue with my efforts.

For the next six months, I have taken up a few personal and professional projects but I have to decide on one more project, let’s discuss it in next blog.

Today I came across bookfessions.tumblr.com and I quite liked the idea:  As a book lover you make your confessions. I believe I too have a few confessions to make, so here are my bookfessions,

1. There are people who read their books without harming them and rest assured I am not that person. Once I am done with a book it can have grease marks, ink marks and it most definitely will be dogeared.

2. Don’t like it when people borrow my books. If there is no way around it then I put a  sticky on it mentioning the date by which the book should be returned to me. Yes I can be that shameless.

3. Sometimes while reading I close the book, take a deep breath and say out loud “stupid character, only if I can beat him!” While reading Wuthering Heights, that happened A LOT.

4. I think best English literature is actually translation of Russian and Spanish literature. In short Russian and Spanish literature rules.

5. My worst fear : My kids won’t like reading.

6. My second worst fear : I will go to cinema and end up in the front seat. (No it has nothing to do with books.)

7. Don’t judge me but if it wasn’t for “Harry Potter & the Philospher’s stone,” I would probably never have touched English literature.

8. “Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban” is the only book that kept me awake the whole night. I started it in university, went home, continued reading it, finished it, picked up my bag and went to university again. That was a good time.

9. I read “Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire” during my classes of “Computer Architecture,” by hiding the book pages in between the lecture notes. There is a reason why I had a bad GPA in CA.

10. Never liked Harry Potter, the character, always hoped that he will die. Yes, I know it’s very ironic.

11. To me, ‘Elizbeth Bennet’ of ‘Pride & Prejudice’ is the most intelligent and feminine heroine of all times.

12. If you don’t read, I won’t judge you. I am cool with that.

13. But yes, I am partial to people who read.

14. Can’t help but judge everybody who reads/claims to like Danielle Steal, Sydney Sheldon, Stephen King and Dan Brown. People, there are better writers in the world.

15.  I hate you if you quote Paulo Coelho every now and then.

16. Try my best to stay clear of people who claim to like modern Urdu love poetry.

17. I hope some time in future a great fire will burn every single copy of Twilight and all other stories about vampires in love and eventually humanity will be saved.

18. Never read Shakespeare, nor am I planning to. Too old English for my taste.

19. Never read Sherlock Holmes, nor am I planning to. Not my taste.

20. Popular novels I could never finish : David Copperfield, Gone with the wind. Just can’t finish.

21. Dreading to read : War and Peace. But I will, I will.

22. One of the few romantic things in life : a slow walk to library.

23. Dream date : Ernest Hemingway. (That would be so cool.)

So what are your bookfessions.

I had a blessed 2011 and hope you too had a good one. Here’s a quick review of  what I experienced in 2011,

- Best new place : New York!

- Best movie : Midnight in Paris

- Most Intense Read : Just Kids

- Most Entertaining Read : Anne of Green Gables

- Achievement : Traveled across the globe without loosing a single important document, money or getting mugged (Thank God.) Saying that, I did loose a few gifts in Kualalumpur :(.

- The Fulfilled Resolution : Dropped all the extra pounds and still in shape. That’s another thing that once you start counting your calorie intake, life as you know ends .

For 2012, my plan is simple : Just redo 2011. And I am looking forward to my swimming lessons (Okay no need to laugh, some people do miss out on it during childhood .)

So what’s your plan ?

The biographies of some literary names of past told me a funny thing : most of them had miserable lives or heart wrenching experiences. Now I am not about to say that a tragic life is a must to become a literary genius, I am just about to share my wonder that all these famous names and thoughtful minds went through what they went through. Their lives are full of sad endings, unwanted twists and self destructive attitudes. So here’s a list of some worldly famous writers with terrible lives and/or sad deaths, let’s see if you get as surprised as I did when I discovered their story.

Oscar Wilde

Oscar Wilde, son of Dublin’s intellectuals, fluent in German and French, known for his biting wit, flamboyant dress, and glittering conversation and the writer of ‘The importance of being Earnest‘ was imprisoned in jail for 2 years on charges of sodomy and gross indecency (in short homosexuality.)

His last lover Lord Alfred Douglas was much younger than him and wasn’t the best of the men. He introduced him to the world of underground male prostitution and used Wilde’s money and means for his pleasure. Like an old and ardent lover, Wilde made sure to spoil this young brat. Douglas’s father asked Wilde to be away from his son and in a twist of events Wilde took Douglas’s father to court claiming that ‘he is not homosexual,’ only to be bombarded with an array of male prostitutes telling the court otherwise. He was imprisoned with ‘hard labor’ which affected his health and paved way to an early death. On Oscar’s illness, all Douglas had to say was ‘When you are not on your pedestal you are not interesting.‘

This shameful episode was enough for his wife to relocate to another country and drop the sir name “Wilde” from their sons’ names. Fortunately literary history did not drop his name.

Earnest Hemingway

The bad boy of writers, bull-fighting aficionado, a lady killer, literature’s noble prize winner and the writer of  ’Farewell to Arms,’ ‘Old Man & the Sea’ and ‘The Sun also rises’ and the man who impacted a whole generation of writers took his own life and that too in his own fearless and dramatic way, as wikipedia states “[he] pushed two shells into the twelve-gauge Boss shotgun …put the end of the barrel into his mouth, pulled the trigger and blew out his brains”

Hemingway was a heavy drinker and showed a kind of restlessness and dissatisfaction throughout his life. He suffered from a genetic disease  hemochromatosis, in which the inability to metabolize iron culminates in mental and physical deterioration. Apart from Hemingway, his father and two of his siblings also committed suicide.

The Bronte Sisters

Their story is legendary in it’s scale of tragedy. Bronte family was extra ordinarily intelligent and all the three sisters became published writers. The most famous of these publications were Charlotte Bronte’s “Jane Eyre,” and Emily Bronte‘s “Wuthering Heights.” All the sisters and their equally genius brother died young. Their deaths are usually blamed on the unsanitary conditions at home, the source of water being contaminated by runoff from the church’s graveyard. 

Charlotte, the eldest, died at 39, Emily at 30, Anne, the youngest, at 29 and Branwell, the brother, at 31. They all (probably except for Anne) died of tuberculosis.

Franz Kafka

The writer of Metamorphosis, complained of being profoundly affected by his father’s authoritarian and demanding character. He was believed to be suffering from Schizoid personality disorder and anorexia. He died at 41 due to starvation.  The condition of [his] throat made eating too painful for him, and since parenteral nutrition had not yet been developed, there was no way to feed him.

Interestingly, before his death he requested his best friend to burn all his literary work, fortunately this friend didn’t fulfill his wish.

Alexander Dumas

One for all and all for one. Need I say anymore? In case you live under a rock and have no idea what this line is about, let me mention just two name : ‘The count of Monet Cristo’ and ‘Three Musketeers.’

Dumas had many illegal liaisons with women and fathered at least four illegitimate children. He spent lavishly on women and despite of good income resources was deeply in debt and eventually had to run to Italy to avoid his creditors.  Born in poverty, Dumas was the grandson of a French nobleman and a Haitian slave. Despite of his writings and aristocratic background, Dumas had to suffer racism due to being of mixed race. In his life and on his death, due to racism and government’s ill attitude he did not receive the respect other great French writers like Victor Hugo  received. It wasn’t un till 2002 that French government corrected this wrong.

Note : Italicized text represents excerpts from wikipedia.

‘Do you like cha-ko-whiskey ?’ a colleague asked.

I was trying to resolve a code bug so without taking eyes from the monitor I absent mindedly asked ‘what’s that?’

‘cha – ko – whiskey…you know,’ she tried to say it slowly and clearly.

‘Probably I know about it but can’t recall,’  I continued to focus on my monitor thinking I probably know it but can’t understand it due to accent, after all I do read a lot, how can I not know about it?

She looked disappointed and surprised but I didn’t had time to worry about that.

‘Do you know cha-ko-whiskey ?’ She asked another colleague.

I expected to hear ‘what’s that?’ but instead I heard ‘oh yeah, the Russian musician.’…..Holy crap! I mean what is the use of reading everything under the sun if I don’t know what, sorry, who ‘cha-ko-whiskey’ is ?

Very somberly I tried to google him (clearly code bug was less important than my lack of  knowledge about Russian musicians,) didn’t find anything, asked colleagues about his name’s spelling which was ‘Tchaikovsky‘ and not ‘cha-ko-whiskey.’

I confirmed to my colleague that I indeed didn’t know anything about this ‘Russian doode.’ In response to her skeptical looks I heard myself saying things like ‘Not a music person, hardly ever hear it,’ or ‘He is Russian, I am Asian.’

‘I do know about Beethoven and Mozart,’ I tried to repair my reputation.

‘Oh I hate both of them, two idiots!’ she rolled her eyes. Okay, that didn’t help.

‘Do you know about Nutcracker ? ‘ She asked.

Now this I knew, so happily I told her that it was one of the ballets performed by ‘Canadian National Company.

‘No, I meant Tchaikovsky’s ballet – The Nutcracker,’ she said as if explaining to a toddler that two plus two is equal to four. Yes, it couldn’t get more embarrassing.

I told her that I do not know anything about it, never heard it and have just realized that it’s some famous centuries old ballet. Unfortunately it was too much truth for her sensitive ears to listen to and mind to believe, thunderstruck she looked at me as if I didn’t know who Adam and Eve were. Mournfully I read about Tchaikovsky’s music, depressed life, suppressed homosexuality, disastrous marriage and death due to cholera (which depressed me further.) After a few minutes she turned to me and said ‘Hey Beenish, I will be going to a ballet and I want you to come with me, you need to know this stuff.’ I smiled and said ‘Off course I will come, anything to learn something new.’

I think it’s nice to have friends who embarrass you only to teach you a little more.

After 10 flights, 4 countries, 8 cities, 3 continents, countless bus and train journeys and literally going around the world, I am home … and I am broke and I can do ‘almost’ anything for a free cup of coffee.

Sorry for this long unannounced hiatus. In my defense it was some crazy traveling which left me with an empty bank account, pulled muscles, skin deep tiredness and above all 2 gray hairs, which, I must insist, is a very traumatic experience and left me with tears of blood. But hopefully there will be time to mourn the hairs which at their glory were fully black, for now I am back and we can take it from where we left.

You may want to hear my travel stories but trust me, I don’t even want to talk about it. It’s like you eat so much of meat that there comes a point when you don’t want to even look at it. So please allow me to recuperate fully from the travel stress, mourn the two gray hairs and then eventually and hopefully recall all my travel adventures. Let the stories come out of me on their own.

For now I am glad to tell you that I learned many new things eg. Toronto might be a culturally diverse city but it’s pretty small in comparison to many other world cities, that thanks to McDonald and Starbucks all urban cities are alike and globalization is killing the uniqueness of cultures, that I eat McDonald’s ice cream in 4 different countries and the best one is right here in Canada while the worst is in Pakistan and the cheapest in Australia, that Malaysians are extremely polite and hospitable people, that Petronas tower are the ugliest towers I have ever seen, that domestic flight sucks, that being young and Asian may mean that you will be picked for random airport checks a lot, that no matter where you go the best place is where your mom is .

That’s all for now and I promise I will be writing regularly.

One of the seven wonders of ancient world was ‘Colossus of Rhodes,’ a sculpture of Greek god Helios standing at the harbor front of city of Rhodes

And here’s our very own statue of liberty, overlooking the New york harbor front,

Do you see any resemblance ?

Nothing is original, not even the most famous, beautiful, creative and amazing. So when it comes to creativity, don’t try to be original, just try to be good.

P.S. : yes I like the fact that it’s a woman now.

Rich countries are rich alike, every poor country is poor in it’s own way.

- Yours truly with a little help from Tolstoy.

After months of wait and failed attempts, I am finally back to my home country : Pakistan. My life in Canada seems like a past life in another world. Here electricity is scarce while mosquitoes are in abundance, streets and roads which once seemed too wide, now look like a narrow alley but friends are still as dear as they once were, my mother still treats me like a 4 year old kid, my siblings still like to pamper me and as expected, I do not want anything in Pakistan to change except for the security situation …and adding Toronto Public library to it . The only two Canadian things I miss terribly are : Two percent milk and Tim Hortons.

I am not sure how much blogging I will be doing during my trip but rest assured I am keeping a diary and may share my experiences later on.

Lastly, there is one surprise for everyone and I am very excited to break it to world but let the right time come . The only thing I would like to say is it’s one of the most exciting things I’ll be doing this year.

Stay tuned .